This picture was drawn by Lola.

I think she had ireland on the brain when she drew it.

I have been thinking more and more about walking the ancient hills of my ancestors.

I am slowly starting to inquire about my bloodline there.

I am also very excited about inviting archangel Michael to join me in this journey.

The month of October was one of intense illness here at our home.

Lola contracted a wicked ass kicking case of whooping cough.

The poor thing coughed until her eyes bled and they were black and blue from the strain.

The cough was a horrible, possessive, turn you inside out, gut wretching, vomit inducing mega hard hitter, take your breath away invasion.

She suffered immensly. It was horrible to witness. We slept in a make-shift triage room in the bathroom for over two weeks. At first every hour she was awakened by a coughing attack. then eventually it was every two hours then three times or so a night. We were recently able to move back into a bed but still wake a couple of times each night to cough up phlem. Well, Lola coughs, I support her. It is such a scary cough.


And so, with the month of october coming to an end so does our month of quarantine. We are fit for public outings again. Just in time for...Hallowe'en. great.

Unfortunately this year I will be at school Hallowe'en night. I missed last week with Chloe in hospital and Lola still sick. It is hard to get caught up when each class is three hours.

Plus I am learning that my imagination isn't what I thought it was. Writing a story based on a prompt or idea that doesn't resinate with me is crazy hard....can't really get the creative juices flowing. I think I've lost some of the art of bullshitting. bummer.

Anyhow...since I am having trouble with my writing asignment I thought I'd pop on here...this neglected space...and just write.

amen,
and a little women, Tricia

Amma Love

Amma : means "mother" in many languages

bliss : complete happiness
           paradise, heaven

ecstasy: a state of being beyond reason and self-control
              a state of overwhelming emotion;especially rapturios delight

joy : the emotion evoked by well being, success, or good fortune

grace : unmerited divine assistance given for humans for their 
            regeneration or sanctification
            a virtue coming from God

Universal Consciousness : undefined in the dictionary

My daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter the words whispered in my ear in sanskrit and english over and over again and again as I breathed in the etheral smell of roses and was rocked in her arms.

The Divine Mother, the Cosmic Presence, Grace Embodied, the Self-Realised Guru, Amma, oh my Amma.

There are no words to express the state of  peace and love that permeates every cell of every body graced with her presence. The vibration of love and compassion truly reaches an ecstatic state.

In her eyes you witnesss the universe expanding, your heart expanding, compassion towards everything and everyone expanding,love expanding.

Awe is everywhere.

You are experiencing miracles. You will never be the same.

Peace is felt.

Words are not needed. Smiles are abundant. There is no suffering in her presence.

Transformations take place before your humble human eyes.

As she stands before us on the stage, the makeshift temple , she scans the crowd. Her eyes touch and speak to each individual. Her eyes reach into your soul and they murmur in soft resounding whisperings "I love you" You are my child. Fear nothing and know that I am with you. I am you and you are me. You are never alone.

And then she showers us with petals. Annoints us with glorious blessings.

Jai! Jai! Jai!

Amma, oh my Amma.

Procrastination

Procrastination. noun

Procrastinate : verb: to put off intentionally and habitually

Ouch...intentionally and habitually....and it's an action word...not a person, place or thing....an action...

I joke a fair bit about procrastination paying off. For example, since I didn't deliver more than two Christmas presents last year, when a friends birthday rolled around in the spring and I was caught unaware I just took the gift out of the christmas bag and gave her her christmas gift for her birthday. I actually felt surprisingly prepared.

This year as Christmas approaches I still have some gifts wrapped from last year and a few cards filled out too. We'll see if they get delivered this year or if they remain in the bag for one more year.

Sometimes if you procrastinate long enough, someone else will do "it" for you. I am starting to wonder if that is always a good thing? It could also mean that someone else will do "it" before you. And that is when I find myself kicking myself.

Procrastination seems to be a theme for me. A pattern. A motto. A trademark. A story I keep telling myself.

I am definitely not an over-achiever. A go-getter. A shark.

I pull my weight though. I'm not a total slacker.

I guess I can see how the movers and the shakers get shit done and how getting things done ( and done well) is a good thing. And I have a few things that I need to get done.

This doesn't mean you'll be getting that christmas present I have wrapped for you in my closet this year. But next year....watch out!

love Tricia

Wabi sabi.........a term I heard with ethusiams from my good friend S. And then mentioned again today as a life saving article for my friend L.

Wabi sabi...embracing imperfections. Big Sigh. Yes! A word, a philosophy, yes, a philosophy, a train of thought, a shared idea embracing imperfection.....embracing...No...Celebrating the cracks in life.

Who couldn't, who can't , who wouldn't want to embrace, hug, squeeze the livin daylights out of a philosophy that rewards, celebrates, appreciates our faults.

Balance...alot of the conmmunication I am receiving from the Source latley has been encompassed in a mesage stressing balance....balance and duality.....appreciating both the light and the dark. For is the dark not necessary to see the light?

Moment by moment, i am reassured that i am closer if not bang on the path that is calling to me.

In yoga this is darhma, what one is meant to do. Life's purpose.

Constant moments of reassurance lately that i am where i am meant to be... but how could I or you be anywhere else?

We are all exactly where we are meant to be along the path at each moment.

I thought going to see Po'Girl live at a small private venue would be enough creative juice to get back to writing but no, it was showing up at a yoga workshop that i knew I wanted to be at even though I had no real idea what it was about....it was showing up for that that reinforced my place among the stars.

Thank-you to those of you who walk this earth and reside within their own centres....for you i am grateful...for you I look to mimic in hopes of walking this earth from my own centre....

Thank you for wabi sabi...thank you for the gift of seeing perfection in imperfection...for relishing the flaws and knowing that they are so so necessary for growth....for loving the stretching even though there may be growing pains...thank-you.

Wabi-sabi........yes. Thank-you.

In gratitude, Tricia

Re:Surfacing

Well....Here I am again.
Did you miss me?
Did you notice this empty space?

Do you want a recap or should we just move forward? From right here, the right now, this most recent moment in time/space?

I think I will share with you some of the journeys that took place but not today...we'll save that for another post (or two) altogether.

My most recent adventures include a weekend that just wrapped up of intiation into the world of shamanism.

Does that word immediately conjure images in your mind ? Do you hear that word and feel yourself tense up anywhere or do you feel your eyebrows raising?

I think the word holds alot of energy and attached meanings to different people depending on your upbringing and experiences in the world thus far.

I have to admit, I was skeptical of those who called themself "Shaman". Kinda like how anyone can ordain themselves online and suddenly be a Minister of any church they invented. I thought "Where's the authenticity?" You can't just choose to be a shaman...you have to have been chosen or born into the position.

But what if we change the word "shaman" and call it practicing the "Art of Shamism"....now we are getting closer I think.

I have always craved a "teacher". A "guru". A "guide".

There are things I know about myself and so much more that I don't know BUT my desire to work one on one with a spiritual companion has been strong since childhood.

Raised in the Catholic tradition I sought comfort and companionship in my statue of the virgin Mary. She was protector at night and she was who I prayed to when I prayed.

I was critical of my Catholic upbring early on...I hated the hypocrisy, judged the faith for building grand churches and not giving enough to the poor. The pomp and circumstance disgusted me rather than strengthen my faith. I was young mind you and interpreting this through a child's eye but I couldn't relate to what was going on and my journey to find something that resonated began.

Now, don't misinterpret my misgivings about the church....I have reconciled my differences and find peace in many of the traditions and pagan origins of the catholic faith.

So now, I think I may explore my celtic heritage. It is a rich culture steeped in myth and magic and lore and has called to me for some time but I am yet to claim it.

The term for my new adventure will be "domestic shamanism". Yes, balancing family life with spiritual pursuits....

Journeying with ancestors amongst or between the dirty dishes and piles of laundry.

In peace, Tricia

Oh man, I lost my groove. I'll find it again, I always do. But, here's the but...my groove is that i do loose my groove.

Definition of groove : (noun)1. a long narrow tunnel

2. any channel or rut cut or worn in a surface

3. a habitual way of doing something; settled routine

( verb )1. to take great pleasure or satisfaction

to enjoy oneself

to be affected with pleasurable excitement

2. to react or interact harmoniously

Since I totally suck when it comes to routine, I think I prefer to view the word "groove" as a verb. I definitely lost my "groove" the past few weeks. The end of the school year ... which didn't end soon enough. And the end of our so-called 'routine"...a quick trip to Vancouver thrown in there...a few illnesses throughout the family...the onset of summer, only drippy and soggy and cloudy and the beginning of a full time wear me out, break me down job at the liquor store.

Yes, my groove will be temporarily interrupted as the new summer groove falls into place. Most people look forward to the easy, breezy, relaxed, sun, sand and salads of summer but for me it is a stressful dance to balance childcare, a full time job, friends and family....

So, my new groove will allow waaay less time here. Boo.

Always reminding myself to be gentle...this too shall pass. Embrace the now.

Peace out, Tricia

Happy Solstice

Night-time stars and bonfires bright

Families and friends sing on good St. John's Night

Summer sun, the sweet smell of hay,

And children all dancing on Midsummer Day.

At Midsummer time the fairies come out,

If children could see them with glee they would shout!

On Midsummer's Eve even gnomes try to dance,

In fairy-ring revels they awkwardly prance.

On Midsummer Day elves and fairies all fly

From acorns and buttercups up to the sky.

~Mala Powers

May the warm summer sun shine upon you.

Blessings, Tricia